Major-General's Song (From The Pirates Of Penzance) lyrics

I am the very model of
a modern Major-General
I've information
vegetable, animal
and mineral

I know the kings of
England and I quote the
fights historical from
Marathon to Waterloo
in order categorical

I'm very well
acquainted too with
matters mathematical

I understand equations
both the simple
and quadratical

About binomial theorem
I'm teeming with
a lot o' news

With many cheerful
facts about the
square of
the hypotenuse

I'm very good at
integral and
differential calculus

I know the scientific
names of
beings animalculous

In short, in matters
vegetable, animal
and mineral I am the
very model of a
modern Major-General

I know our mythic history
King Arthur's and
Sir Caradoc's

I answer hard acrostics
I've a pretty taste
for paradox

I quote in elegiacs
all the crimes
of Heliogabalus
in conics I can floor
peculiarities parablous

I can tell undoubted
Raphaels from
Gerard Dows
and Zoffanies

I know the croaking
chorus from the
Frogs of Aristophanes

Then I can hum a fugue
of which I've heard
the music's din afore

And whistle all the
airs from that infernal
nonsense Pinafore

Then I can write a
washing bill in
Babylonic cuneiform
and tell you every detail
of Caractacus's uniform

In short, in matters
vegetable, animal
and mineral I am the
very model of a
modern Major-General

In fact, when I know
what is meant by
"mamelon" and "ravelin"

When I can tell at
sight a Mauser rifle
from a javelin

When such affairs as
sorties and surprises
I'm more wary at

And when I know
precisely what is
meant by "commissariat"

When I have learnt
what progress has
been made in
modern gunnery

When I know more
of tactics than a
novice in a nunnery

In short, when I've
a smattering of
elemental strategy

SPEAK:
Strategy?
Battegy, chattegy

Ah!

SING:
You'll say a better
Major-General has
never sat a gee

For my
military knowledge
though I'm plucky
and adventury

Has only been brought
down to the beginning
of the century

But still, in matters
vegetable, animal
and mineral I am the
very model of a
modern Major-General